Saturday, September 29, 2012

Slug Apocalypse

Scoff if you will but those slimy bastards are back with a vengeance...and on a painfully slow crawling march of destruction towards any vegetation right now their march to my garden is taking a short cut through the house...if they were'nt so icky I would totally attack instead of running away like a little repulsed girl.


You know that saying of get a pet and fuck up the carpet or get a kid and fuck up our lives..go for the fucking pet because kids fuck up everything the carpet walls furniture your life they destroy without impunity or discrimination these little nutters are the ultimate decepticons they look innocent but are dangerous destructive machines hell bent on your total domination okay maybe not so much your domination but complete control of your purse...anyways I'm currently shopping for the perfect child substitute pet something small not so needy and requires very little cleaning maybe I should consider a virtual pet instant reset and less guilt if okay when it dies...tamagotchi rest in peace.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Dumbing Down Through Association

Common side-effect of spending to much time with children especially young ones is your vocabulary takes a downgrade or is that a downsize because its no longer used to full capacity or capabilities because neither of those words or the million or so other words of the dictionary the little rugrats have ever encountered…basically if the dictionary was a company I would have to have a meeting and fire 90% of them for being to long to complex and just plain unsuitable yes all you fucking swear words you’d the first ones unceremoniously dropped kicked out into  the cold…only to be let in through the back door because prolonged proximity to children brings out the cursing demon  and not being allowed to swear is when you most want to.


I’ve fixed my cursing addiction by promoting certain animals(duck badger fox) fruits(lemon banana) and vegetables(broccoli beans mushroom)  to swear words they don’t really pack quiet the same punch and seem rather eccentric nice way of saying plain nuts especially considering no one is in on my word substitution game.