Scoff if you will but those slimy bastards are back with a vengeance...and on a painfully slow crawling march of destruction towards any vegetation right now their march to my garden is taking a short cut through the house...if they were'nt so icky I would totally attack instead of running away like a little repulsed girl.
You know that saying of get a pet and fuck up the carpet or get a kid and fuck up our lives..go for the fucking pet because kids fuck up everything the carpet walls furniture your life they destroy without impunity or discrimination these little nutters are the ultimate decepticons they look innocent but are dangerous destructive machines hell bent on your total domination okay maybe not so much your domination but complete control of your purse...anyways I'm currently shopping for the perfect child substitute pet something small not so needy and requires very little cleaning maybe I should consider a virtual pet instant reset and less guilt if okay when it dies...tamagotchi rest in peace.
Common side-effect of spending to much time with children especially young ones is your vocabulary takes a downgrade or is that a downsize because its no longer used to full capacity or capabilities because neither of those words or the million or so other words of the dictionary the little rugrats have ever encountered…basically if the dictionary was a company I would have to have a meeting and fire 90% of them for being to long to complex and just plain unsuitable yes all you fucking swear words you’d the first ones unceremoniously dropped kicked out into the cold…only to be let in through the back door because prolonged proximity to children brings out the cursing demon and not being allowed to swear is when you most want to.
I’ve fixed my cursing addiction by promoting certain animals(duck badger fox) fruits(lemon banana) and vegetables(broccoli beans mushroom) to swear words they don’t really pack quiet the same punch and seem rather eccentric nice way of saying plain nuts especially considering no one is in on my word substitution game.
Well I'm impressed left the little munchkins alone outside while I perused the net like a troll boss..its sheer dumb luck that their still alive what with my overprotective eye constantly slacking on the job.
But they didn't break anything not that I could tell and their not suffering any symptoms of guilty syndrome...so I'm going too have faith and bask in ignorance for the moment...what they did however was very artistic and made me smile humanity is a beautiful thing sweet kind caring and ingenious it takes the smaller souls to remind you...thank you little horrors for restoring my faith a little piece at a time.
There are many sounds in the world beautiful haunting moving scary and off course not to mention painful...the most painful ear splitting murder inducing sound I've discovered that had yet to be rivalled is the sound off a child crying..this isn't a cry of normal pain this is a cry of I'm going to make you suffer bleeding slowly from your ears until you wish nay pray for own death.
If you've been unfortunate in you're life that you've found yourself to be in the same space as a child long enough you start to distinguish between the crys...and the cry born out of pure vengeance is the deadliest its only function is to debelitate your sense slowly crippling all rational processing thoughts until you breakdown into 2 levels the crying I want to kill myself level or the get stressed and angry going to kill you instead level...theirs a third level most adults choose its the bottle level drink until you don't care or until its bearable.
Alcohol not only making the ugly pretty but helping parents and child carers survive always in moderation off course unless you're dealing with satans little spawn the cute little Damian then you go right ahead and blackout.
Elvira the crazy animal smothering tiny tune hugged and beat the shit out of a very large stuffed bear...RIP Big Bear thanks for taking the hits I appreciate your sacrifice honey pots await you in the fluffy kingdom.
