Sleeping On A Rock

I've stewed and grinded on the boulder gnawing it down to an edible size, now it rests in the bottom of dark hole with the other stones of anger and resentment, the pile is slowly growning there is so much that I'm afraid of it all exploding like a devasting volcanoe that leaves a long lasting effect. Today I feel a little lighter but the issues are still there locked in the closet waiting to be addressed but for now I think I'll just let them stay in the dark.

The Other Sister

Our little sister is planning to visit and I'm very excited we grew appart when she turned 12 and I was a teenager, she became wild and started drinking which led to drugs but now at the ripe mature age of 25 she's clambered out of the deep dark hole she fell into enrolled in college is attending therapy and slowly rebuilding her life, I'm rather proud a feeling I never imagined I would have towards her. But it will be a welcome relief the little voice in my head keeps whispering pack your bags and run the minute she arrives shouting your turn just as the taxi screeches loudly for the airport, but the other voice in my head whispers back she'll be back on drugs after a week with her beautiful nephews and niece, lets face it the only reason I am not an alcoholic is because I don't really like alcohol, I'm on enough medicated and otherwise that I don't want to be popping anymore my thyroids pills, the contraception pillsand headache pills that it would be like asking for an overdose on a cocktail mix.

Still Shinning

Its been 3 days and the sun is still shinning I'm starting to get my hopes up about the weather, but I too tired to enjoy it I just want to slump on the sofa and vegetate, The Dinosaur came down with the cold yesterday running around the shaggy lawn enjoying the sun as the winter wind was still creeping about and caught him, It was like sharing a bed with an epileptic in a middle of a sizure hurling himself left and right and having a kicking frenzy as though he was audition for the riverdance. My sister went awol yesterday evening with her friend rudely leaving the house without so much as goodbye or you don't mind if I nip out for awhile that would be too polite. No she just crept away under the guise of escorting her friend out and never returned she was kind enough to haul herself in after 12 in a drunken state, which she is paying for this morning cradling the toilet as she loudly threw back yesterdays sunday meal, the Pink Piranha clutching her oversized cow watched over her half with amusement and the other half with concern asking in her babbling voice 'what you doo'. The Dinosaur was unimpressed he's seen the scene one to many times that its gotten old. I can't be arsed to acknowledge her state a decent person would have asked someone not just assumed, and I think that's whats being slowly grinding at me for the past 2 years her arrogant assuming nature.

I should be the wild and reckless one not the one left minding someone else's children. I fondly remember going out scantly clad in various outfits only working girls should be allowed to wear drinking cocktails until I'd killed the taste buds in my mouth then pub crawling through the town for more drink, to end up spending the next day in bed like a grouch ignoring the world as I groan in self disgust at what my mind slowly replays. Now I'm a glorified nanny who has no life my social life has no substance interacting with strangers through words on the computer, my life is a retro text based rpg game, no graphics no colour all imagination. As I sit here typing trying to think how I got here with kids I never blurted out and no life, I know I have to get out before I drown.

Bakers Fever

Since my island confinement stretched over the limit to unspecified I haved discovered my love for cooking, I think money has a habit of turning a passion into a chore, working as a chef become tedious I drag myself to work and sweated over a stove at times I felt like a fast food cook churning out quantity instead of quality. So I left and joined an agency the only thing that saved my sanity. I love the adventurous nature of different places and people and different receipes to experiment was liberating there was no routine for boredom to set in.

My black book of receipes is ever growing as I explore new ways of cooking the same meats and vegetables, but what I have discovered that I find more enjoyable than anything is baking yesterday I spent half the day in the kitchen away from the zoo animals to the almost peaceful corner in the house as every now and then a little one would escape wailing and tattling usually with a request to hit someone, like some brute muscle bound to inflicting physical pain by request of tiny mafia dons. I refused so they ran to their mother and requested she beat me for my ignorance.

Well annoying small things aside I managed to bake a yellow butter cake and it looked exactly as it should and tasted great, I was so proud. Today I'm going to try making flapjacks which I love.

Almost S

Today the sun didn't just bob and weave its head through the clouds it actually glowed warm deceptively like a summer day, the blue sky was bright and the ghostly clouds waned into the atmosphere. The first thing the Dinosaur said as he was freed from his weather bound incarceration was 'wow its a sunny day'. I tried to ignore the obivous doom brewing over the mountains rain clouds well I plan to enjoy it while it still shines.

Soap Drama

Soaps are like your sterotypical gay man an over the top drama, where everything revolves around sex wanting it, having it, then watching everything self destruct usually in a murder and a lot of tears. I have noticed the difference between British and American soaps, ours tend to be bleak depressing affairs with a slight grip of realiy whereas the Americans are lavish and colourful with no ugly people in sight and constant sex there are more people in bed then out of it.

I don't watch soaps I like to consider myself above such lame melodrama my sister on the other hand religiously watches her 3 favorite regurgitated rubbish of Emmerdale, Eastenders and Coronation street, possessively hoarding the remote control until they finish trying to subdue her riotous young brood to silence during that period unsuccessfully I might add, so she just hangs at the edge of her seat drowning out the chaos around her .

But I find myself amazed and preturbed at how easily ingrossed in this rubbish I have gotten, catching glimpses slyly from the corner of my eye as though it was porn and I was too afraid to enjoy it.

Coffe Break

A very dark sweet cup of hot coffee to settle your frustration and chill the Everest like mountain of anger. The Pink Piranha is having a nap and the Dinosaur is being mentally subdued by the violent antics of 'Tom and Jerry', the orges are home all muddied from school stripped and showered actually resemble children with a mother instead of the unsightly street urchins that bounded through the door wet and dirty shivering slightly from a beach excursion, the small private school they attend has barely the grounds to spit in and so all their physical exercise is done on the beach just 5 minutes away, normally the Orges enjoy P.E day in the swealtering summer when the aircon is your best friend along with the beach and pool. But I imagine the wide exposed beach in winter with windy gales that can bend trees left and right seems more like torture then pleasure. Rather them than me I have the circulation of an old woman a gentle breeze is enough to make me shiver, I spend most of my days molesting the radiator for warmth, with my daily bum warming exercises.