Dumbing Down Through Association

Common side-effect of spending to much time with children especially young ones is your vocabulary takes a downgrade or is that a downsize because its no longer used to full capacity or capabilities because neither of those words or the million or so other words of the dictionary the little rugrats have ever encountered…basically if the dictionary was a company I would have to have a meeting and fire 90% of them for being to long to complex and just plain unsuitable yes all you fucking swear words you’d the first ones unceremoniously dropped kicked out into  the cold…only to be let in through the back door because prolonged proximity to children brings out the cursing demon  and not being allowed to swear is when you most want to.

  

I’ve fixed my cursing addiction by promoting certain animals(duck badger fox) fruits(lemon banana) and vegetables(broccoli beans mushroom)  to swear words they don’t really pack quiet the same punch and seem rather eccentric nice way of saying plain nuts especially considering no one is in on my word substitution game.

Creativity

Well I'm impressed left the little munchkins alone outside while I perused the net like a troll boss..its sheer dumb luck that their still alive what with my overprotective eye constantly slacking on the job.

But they didn't break anything not that I could tell and their not suffering any symptoms of guilty syndrome...so I'm going too have faith and bask in ignorance for the moment...what they did however was very artistic and made me smile humanity is a beautiful thing sweet kind caring and ingenious it takes the smaller souls to remind you...thank you little horrors for restoring my faith a little piece at a time.

Excruciating

There are many sounds in the world beautiful haunting moving scary and off course not to mention painful...the most painful ear splitting murder inducing sound I've discovered that had yet to be rivalled is the sound off a child crying..this isn't a cry of normal pain this is a cry of I'm going to make you suffer bleeding slowly from your ears until you wish nay pray for own death.

If you've been unfortunate in you're life that you've found yourself to be in the same space as a child long enough you start to distinguish between the crys...and the cry born out of pure vengeance is the deadliest its only function is to debelitate your sense slowly crippling all rational processing thoughts until you breakdown into 2 levels the crying I want to kill myself level or the get stressed and angry going to kill you instead level...theirs a third level most adults choose its the bottle level drink until you don't care or until its bearable.

Alcohol not only making the ugly pretty but helping parents and child carers survive always in moderation off course unless you're dealing with satans little spawn the cute little Damian then you go right ahead and blackout.

Died In Vain

Elvira the crazy animal smothering tiny tune hugged and beat the shit out of a very large stuffed bear...RIP Big Bear thanks for taking the hits I appreciate your sacrifice honey pots await you in the fluffy kingdom.

Absent Because Life Happened

Thats right life came and interrupted my idleness it broke into my quiet little crab shell in the dead of the night like an armed swat team on crack guns blazing scaring the shit out of me as bullets exploded everywhere tearing into anything solid...handcuffed me and dragged me out kicking and screaming to a larger cell called life...no I am obviously lying sorry I'm a certified pathological liar..thats also a lie I've never been accredited for my lies...the banal truth is I just forgot.

Arsehole Syndrome

I woke up this morning like I do every morning to the usual sound of dogs bitching mixed with screeching tweeting birds..the resident dog stirrer is not ours but a neighbours way down the street its very territorial and aggressive but if you approach it, it scurries away like a mouse chased by a cat, tail between its legs for the safety of its front doors...suffice to say mother nature and the animal kingdom are converging to piss me off every fucking morning.

But what I hate is the constant barking all through the night its like the entire dog population congregates outside our street for a canine west side story with the occasional cats production every now and then..this is what I call the canine arsehole syndrome sprinkled with the morning dose off mother nature bitch slapping me awake with the bloody light show that is the sun timed lovingly with the cricket and bird orchestra..i hate animal suffering our cruelty but that early in the morning I would gladly go hunting for anything that squeaks.

Touchscreen

TOUCH-SCREEN.....sounds so provocative but unfortunately its technology at its best immersive interactive and totally fucking annoying I've become retarded towards normal phones instinctively frigging the screens like an overzealous teenager wondering why it wont work the inevitable face-palm moment hits....I'm a Muppet damn you sleek and shiny android phone....you would be perfect if it wasn't for your flaws number one your a fucking touch-screen novelty has worn off like an expensive Xmas toy that gets shafted for the cheap stocking filler. ...and also lest not forget to fuck you qwerty just who the hell were you designed for dwarfs perhaps.....I thought the pc was making me antisocial I had no idea phone apps would certify it I now prefer sending virtual messages...tweets.....IM....to just popping around or talking.....soooooo overrated by the way this my friends if i have any left is what a techno hermit looks like...if you could see me that is....just downloaded an app to let people know where basically I've just bugged myself and an app to talk to complete strangers thus increasing the chances of a serial killer.....2012 is help a homicidal killer find you because not every killer has a genius IQ.....our techs maybe getting smarter but were climbing back the tree....banana anyone....anyway rant over would go on really but qwerty is testing my love for this phone.